If you believe in the existence of Divinity, you will know that nothing in life happens by chance, especially in relationships. It is one of the most challenging trials that all of us have to go through and hopefully, survive unscathed and wiser in this life. It is easy for anyone in a relationship to feel despair in times of difficulties but fret not, it is always the solution to the relational conundrum.
FRET NOT stands for:
F = “Fair”
R = “Reasonable”
E = “Expectations”
T = “Timely”
N = “Never lose sight”
O = “Outcome”
T = “Tangible and meaningful benefits”
In a nutshell:
Always treat your relationships with fair and reasonable expectations at the appropriate time, and never lose sight of the outcome and the longer-term tangible and meaningful benefits you may derive from them.
What is fairness? If you don’t want others to do unto you, then you shouldn’t do it to others in your relationships. Even when the others are doing it to you! This is to remind us to reflect on our own behaviours and not to find faults in others.
What is reasonable? If you have your reasons, others have theirs too. It is therefore reasonable to set aside differences and come to a win-win consensus in order to build the relationship. This is to remind us to be logical in our thought processes.
What are fair and reasonable expectations? You should expect imperfections in your relationships on the basis that no one is perfect in this world. It is unfair and unreasonable to expect more from others in your relationships when they are facing limitations that will need your participation to overcome. The consequence of not doing so will harm the growth of the relationship. This is to remind us that we have to be proactive in our approach to build great relationships.
What is at an appropriate time? It is unfair and unreasonable for you to talk about expectations at a time when the others are in emotional turmoil or struggling with charged emotions in the relationship. This is to remind us to allow time for emotions to calm down before raising the matter for discussion at a more appropriate juncture.
What is never to lose sight? It is keeping your vision of your relationships keenly in mind. It is the compass to your long-term emotional well-being, stability, and fulfillment. This is to remind us to stay focused on building relationships and to always share our vision with those in our relationships.
What is the outcome? It is the end in mind. It is the state of your relationships when you’re old and dying. Are your relationships in full bloom, or are they filled with regrets and remorse? This is to remind us to learn to accept the failings of others in our younger days and to set aside our differences because the day will come when we will face our own mortality and we may not have the time or the opportunity to reconcile with the ones in our relationships.
What are the tangible and meaningful benefits of a relationship? It is the dissolution of Karma arising from the relationships in this life and/ or previous lives. It is to nurture and realise great relationships. This is to remind us to see relationships as an opportunity to learn and to stop the perpetuation of Karma between us and others.
In times of relational difficulties, always remember to “fret not”.