Cultivating Nobleness (Interdependence)

Achieving independence through a deep awareness of our roles and responsibilities is essential for developing meaningful and interdependent relationships. However, does this independent awareness justify imposing our perspectives on others? Can we assume that others are ready to accept our level of understanding? How, then, should we interact with others?

Consider the analogy of a half-filled cup, which could be viewed as either half-full or half-empty, depending on the observer's experiences. The observer might choose to leave the cup as it is. However, someone who is independently aware might pour out the contents and start fresh. This illustrates the difference between wisdom and knowledge. In the same way, it is wise to reassess your feelings in your relationships with others regularly.

The level of responsibility we choose to take on in each of our roles impacts our emotional well-being and spiritual growth. Overperforming or underperforming in any role can lead to long-term consequences. Making the right choices reflects our spiritual understanding and awareness, aligning us more closely with the teachings of the Divine. These choices also lead to more truthful and harmonious interactions with others.

Many relationships fail to reach their full potential due to small fractures in communication and understanding—something unsaid that should have been said or something done that should have been left undone. If only we were like machines, programmed to respond perfectly in every situation, perhaps we wouldn’t face these difficulties. We often place so much importance on our words or actions that we forget or neglect the purpose and meaning of our relationships. This can lead to viewing relationships as possessions, where we feel we have to have control over the other person as if they were an object to keep forever. However, the other person has feelings and emotions, and they may either withdraw or lash out unexpectedly, with significant consequences.

When we achieve spiritual independence, we gain greater clarity on our roles (circle 1) and responsibilities (circle 2). Independent awareness means these two circles should align perfectly, as described in the article "Cultivating Nobleness (Independence)" for relationships to succeed. In short, a complete circle encompasses the appropriate responsibilities for each role we must fulfil. For example, if you are male, you are a son, husband, son-in-law, father, father-in-law, and grandfather, among other roles. If you are female, you are a daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, mother, mother-in-law, and grandmother, among other roles.

How do we interact with others in these roles? For example, should the circles representing the roles and responsibilities of a wife and husband be disjointed, overlapping, or coinciding? Should one circle reside within the other? Consider the long-term effects of each scenario.

In a disjointed relationship, there is no common ground, the relationship becomes stunted and may continue in this state across multiple lifetimes, as seen in many Karmic readings. Such relationships are often transactional rather than transformational, leading to a higher risk of extramarital affairs. In a coinciding relationship, emotional competition can arise as each partner seeks to assert their importance, not realising that their sense of worth comes from dependency or reliance on the other. If one falters, the other's world crumbles, as their significance is tied together.

In a relationship where one person’s circle resides within the other’s, dependency is the key issue. The person whose circle is enveloped becomes entirely dependent on the other, leading to emotional and physical reliance. This dynamic often results in condescending behaviour and emotional manipulation, with the stronger party reinforcing their dominance over time, deepening suffering in the relationship.

In disjointed, coinciding, or residing relationships, comparisons, jealousy, mistrust, insecurity, low self-esteem, overconfidence, pride, arrogance, selfishness, and ego emerge. As a result, the spiritual growth of each individual is stifled by the dynamics within the relationship. Such situations call for a reassessment of our fundamental understanding of our existence with those around us.

In a healthy relationship, the circles should overlap, with the degree of overlap adjusting according to the needs and growth of both parties at any given time. The overlap should be balanced—never too little, never too much. An overlapping relationship does not create dependency but recognises that each person has other roles and responsibilities in life. It allows sufficient space and time for self-reflection and growth. It encourages meaningful interactions with loved ones and others. This approach fosters deep and meaningful relationships and helps neutralise Karma. 

As you embrace the power of overlapping relationships, you will realise that despite the various roles you need to fulfil, there remains a distinct separation between you and others. This separation is necessary because each of us is a unique spirit undergoing trials in this life and is accountable for our spiritual enlightenment. No matter how close we are by birth, law, or shared experiences, we are still unique individuals and need space and time to reflect on our existence. We can support each other, but we cannot carry the burden of realisation for one another.

Only you can understand the futility of clinging on to mortal existence and the helplessness of continuing to grasp for meaning. When there is no grasping, there is nothing to understand, nothing to prepare for, and nothing we must accept, because, in the end, only nothing arises.